so here's a little ditty that i saved for the start of today's entry. sunday morning, my morning dump was very miniscule. that didn't make much of an impression on me, but it had major consequences later on. after having brunch with alan and ting at stacks in redwood city (which is not close to my home), i had a smoke right afterwards after i got into my car. that set off a dump in my bowels, and i must reiterate, i was *not* close to home. so i drove well over 10 miles on the highway with massive pressure and pain on my sphincter. i mean, it was BAD. i squirmed the whole time, i tried focusing on the music in my car, and i had to exert every force in my kegel muscles to not lay a turd right there in my automobile. there was a time when i almost gave up and was going to shit in my pants and just resign myself to cleaning my clothes (and my car) afterwards.
by the time i got home, i was spent, and didn't even take off my shoes as i rushed to the bathroom, and the instant my butt hit the toilet seat, my ass EXPLODED into this massive diarrhea release. it was probably the most satisfying and cathartic shit i have ever taken. i have had orgasmic pisses before, but never before have i ever had an orgasmic dump like this one. i groaned a sigh like no other after it came out, and it was so good and relaxing that afterwards, i had a post-shit cigarette. yes, it was just like sex.
on tv last night, i saw that arby's was having a 2-beef 'n cheddars-for-$4, so i knew what i was having for lunch today. and after those two sandwiches (and over 2,000mg of sodium), i had yogurtland. it wasn't actually that much food, but afterwards, i felt so stuffed that i puked in the bushes outside my office. twice. man. i haven't puked in a long long time. it felt good, though. for some reason, what came out was arby's and not the yogurt or mochi. how did the order of food intake reverse itself? *ponder*
there's a sort of cute girl who's new at work. she works in the finance or marketing department. she has cool glasses, and that's why she's cute; if she took the specs off, i don't know if she'd be good looking anymore. i walked by her cube twice today, but her computer orientation is such that she faces away from the cubicle entrance. rats. however, the second time i walked by, she was on the phone, and she had a fobby voice. rats.
i had a dream saturday night that i joined a startup, and it was bought for $20 billion. we were in the midst of celebrating when i woke up. i was so happy that i was going to get up and blog about it. oh, if it were only true. one of my startups actually REJECTED a $5 billion buyout offer. how stupid was that? idiot owners.
i've noticed that in the morning, my saliva is very viscous. when i spit, it doesn't detach and fly out; instead, it sticks to my lips, and it drips from my mouth. i spit a lot when i smoke (i think it's a habit i got from A back when we used to smoke out), so i've noticed this weird morning thing. maybe it's because my mouth is dry? *shrug*
there's a game show that's made just for me. it's called _hurl_. basically, people are forced to eat a lot, and then they get put in physical situations (like being strapped to a spinning wheel) that make them throw up. and the last one to puke wins $1,000. i mean, it sounds fun, but after a while, i bet it'll become boring. i bet if i went on that show, i'd be first to lose, with my penchant for yacking and stuff.
so i got matched with this eharmony girl. she looks ok, but what intrigues me is that she's 5'7". that's a good height. (of course, it'd be even better if she were 5'10".) tall(er) girls are hard to find, so i'm going to talk to her and see how she is. we'll see how it goes.
i finally got 200 friends on facebook! well, i actually had 201, but one friend disappeared. i found out who she was; she deleted her profile for some reason, and i e-mailed her just a few minutes ago to ask why she did that. lucky #200 was a high school friend of mine, angela. i found out that some of my high school friends are going to kevin's wedding in october. i'm really excited to see some of them again because i haven't seen them in like 16 years!
google phrase of the day: "should i find it weird that my boyfriend gets a boner when we hug"
ha! sounds like a physically sensitive guy. i wonder how long he lasts in bed. and how old he is. when i was like 14, i would bust a chub when i slow danced with girls in chinese summer camp. i mean, our bodies weren't even touching and stuff! and that was a good thing, otherwise the girl would be like, "wtf?" and run away, screaming. the next year, though, i think i was "healed." i remember when jessica and i slow danced, we were be practically hugging the entire time, and no boners for me. *phew* maybe it was all the wanking i got under my belt by then.
over the weekend, i watched a bit of USA women's softball team. jennie finch was pitching. you know, i don't usually like blondes and all, but there was something a bit hot about jennie finch. i found some swimsuit pictures of her, and those aren't really sexy or anything. but put her in a softball uniform, her hair in a ponytail, and have her firing a 60mph softball, striking out a batter, and that's pretty damn hot. i don't know why. maybe it's the fact that she's so dominating. does that say something about me? :)
i also watched VH1's "top teen stars" countdown. #3 to #1 were britney spears, rob lowe, and molly ringwald. ah, molly ringwald. i loved all three of her movies (were they all by john hughes?). i don't like molly personally, but those films were all great. and throw in _st. elmo's fire_ as well, although that one was at 20-something movie.
and to round out the tv trilogy, i really liked selma blair in the first _hellboy_. i like selma blair overall, but that pyrokinesis thing (especially a *blue* flame) is a turnon. and in the second installment of the series, i like her short hair. but her best hair was when she was a guest star on _friends_, when chandler was in tulsa, and she tried to seduce him. even shorter hair. god, i love short hair on girls. and of course, who doesn't love a hot girl coming on to you? hot damn!
ok. almost time for that 6pm smoke. hooray! almost done with monday work!
for the most part, i had a rather low-key weekend. for most of my meals, though, i did travel far and wide for my food.
friday night, leeya was craving taiwanese food, for she, paul, mikeC and i went to southland. mike and i weren't very hungry, though, so we split a combination fried rice (no pork liver). mike ordered the salt and pepper prawns, but i did not partake. the guys ate the prawns (with shell and head) whole, and i just don't get how you can digest the stuff. it's tough stuff! afterwards, we had yogurtland. the line wasn't too bad, but after we got our yogurt, a ton of people came.
then, we went back to paul's place and watched his satellite tv. we caught the last 45 minutes or so of the new _rambo_. the ending was so gorgeously violent that i wanted to laugh. i mean, you had people with their heads exploding, bodies cut to pieces by bullets; it was just comically ridiculous. it put already violent movies like _starship troopers_ to shame. then, we watched _eddie murphy raw_, which reminded us how comically brilliant he used to be. nowadays, he does stupid films like _norbit_ and the upcoming _meet dave_ (i'm already assuming it's stupid). well, at least he was good as donkey in the _shrek_ series.
saturday, i met up with D at pho kim long at noon. good thing i got there first, because right after i got seated, 15 or so people arrived, and the line stretched out to the sidewalk. we both for the glorious #27 dish. ah, wonderful, wonderful food. after i got home, i watched some _scrubs_ episodes, and then it was time to go to the obon.
so i parked like a quarter of a mile away from the buddhist temple, and as i walked to the site, i was like, "hm, why aren't there any cars here?" my heart sank as i realized that the temple was empty. i got the wrong date! so i called up barden, and yup, the obon was indeed next week. stupid me. so i got my car smogged instead. i had a $20 off coupon, but for some insane reason, they said that it wasn't valid. so i got charged $45. (two years ago, i paid $75). either way, these guys are shady, and they fuck you.
for dinner, i met up with jay and margaret at downtown san jose at gombei. i totally forgot that *they* were having their obon, so i wound up parking a mile away. and when we got there, gombei was closed. ARGH. obons really fucked me over on saturday. so we ate at tsugaru instead, and it was decent, i guess. nothing really special about the food, except that they gave me a generous portion of tempura sauce, which i liked. afterwards, jay and margaret gave me a ride to my car.
after dinner, i joined paul and leeya at fu lam mum, where they were eating. i didn't eat or anything, but we discussed our possible vacation. they were thinking london/scotland/ireland. i threw out greece, so after they ate and we went to tap ex, leeya and i looked at tour trips to the greek islands. man, it ain't cheap. to be honest, i'd rather to to the UK because i'm a city guy. i know greece is beautiful, but island hopping isn't really my thing.
sunday morning, i got up at 9:30. jay and margaret couldn't join us for brunch, so i just drove up to redwood city and met up with alan and ting at stacks. ah, stacks. i got the chorizo omelette, which was very tasty. after i got home around noon, that was it as far as human contact went for the rest of the day. i took a nap, watched tv, and smoked. sigh.
i called up paul for dinner later on, but he wasn't hungry, and by the time 8:30 hit, he still wasn't hungry, so i just went out and got some jack in the box and watched the first _hellboy_ at 9pm on FX. i actually enjoyed it. i thought selma blair was cool, with her pyrokinesis and all. i would actually go and watch the _hellboy 2_ if i could find somebody to go with me. (D refuses to go.)
and that was it for my weekend. btw, that 1920x1200 panel thing i was debugging all day friday just worked at the office. I AM THE FUCKING MAN! :)