the BIG cessation
Posted on Fri, February 5 2010 at 5:06 pm
well, i have some big news. i’ll get to that in a minute.
first off, i got a physical this morning. my old primary care physician, dr. P, retired 3 years ago, so i got a letter back then to call PAMF to obtain a new doctor. i did that this past monday, and i got assigned to dr. S. i made an appointment for a checkup, which was today.
i went in, and i got my weight and height and blood pressure taken by the nurse. then, dr. S came in. she asked me several questions, and then i had to take off all my clothes (i left my socks on) and change into these paper shorts.
she checked my skin for any abnormalities, put her stethoscope on me, felt my neck and liver, and then, of course, she did the testicular cancer check. i felt bad that my pubic thatch is so dense, but it wasn’t awkward at all, very businesslike. i didn’t stare down at her caressing my balls; i looked straight ahead. that went fine, no problems there. *phew*
i didn’t get a prostate exam. (i wasn’t offered one.) i was a big afraid of getting one, because i’ve heard it’s a big uncomfortable. and on top of all that, i took a dump this morning, so i would have been a bit embarrassed about her getting some turd on her gloves.
then, i got a pneumonia and tetanus vaccine. this time, i remembered to ask for it on my right shoulder, since i’m left handed. they had to keep me in the room for 15 minutes just in case i had a reaction. and then, it was off to the laboratory for a blood sample. i waited like half an hour until my name was called. my blood was taken by a female african medical student named “lovepeace.” she used a thin slanted needle, but i still couldn’t bear to watch. she took two vials worth of blood unlike the SIX that was taken the last time i had a physical.
SO. here’s the big news. i talked to my doctor about quitting smoking. yup. I AM QUITTING SMOKING. after all these years, i am finally giving it up. certain things happened that finally served as a wake up call for me to do it. the doctor asked me on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being i just *had* to quit) how much i wanted to quit, and i told her about an 8 or a 9. the truth, though, is that it’s probably closer to a 9 or 10.
she told me that given my psych profile, chantix probably wouldn’t be a good option, so i am going with the patch. i’m going to be on a 2-month regimen: 21mg for 4 weeks, 14mg for 2 weeks, and then finally 7mg for the last 2 weeks. damn, i hope this works. the only problem is that i called my insurance company (cigna), and they don’t reimburse for over-the-counter smoking cessation products. oh well. i’ll just have to pay more money to stop smoking then.
i started smoking when i was in japan. i would go out drinking with my stanford friends, and two korean classmates of mine, sung and peter, would smoke. they once offered me a cigarette, and one time, i accepted. they taught me how to smoke, and from then on, i would bum cigarettes off of them. it was pure peer pressure.
the singular moment when i became a smoker was later on during my stint in japan, during my summer internship. i was in saitama-ken (saitama prefecture), on my way into tokyo, and i had missed my train. so i was standing there, bored, so i bought my first pack of cigarettes (dunhill reds) and a lighter. and from then on, i became a smoker…
…and from tomorrow on, i hope to cease being one.
i bought a box of nicoderm patches about 10 years ago. i was planning on quitting, but when i opened up the box and read the instructions, the first thing it said was, “you have to *want* to quit.” and i didn’t want to. i love smoking. i love how i relax, i love how i feel, and i love how it goes with so many things in life: a walk, a drive, a good meal, a good alcoholic drink.
but now, things have changed. i realize that smoking is a practical death sentence, and it will be the end of me. i have been doing it for too long. i always promised myself that i would never, EVER, be a smoking husband and father, and even though that day is still a ways away, NOW is the time to stop. the key thing to success in quitting is *wanting* to quit, and now, i truly want to quit.
so that’s that. i will savor my last cigarettes of today, and that’s it. tomorrow, first thing in the morning, i will slap on a nicoderm patch, and i will (hopefully) live a life without cigarettes. i guess my dad and i will no longer have our father/son smoking bonding moments. we will have to find something else to bond over. maybe more whiskey, perhaps?
the good thing is that none of my friends smoke, so the peer pressure element is gone. work-wise, i will need to find some other way to take breaks. i will miss my smoking compadres; i have met some cool people downstairs while on my cigarette breaks, people i would have never had the chance of conversing with. but that’s a small price to pay for extending my own life.
i am excited. i am anxious. i am afraid. i am excited about this new life without cigarettes. i am anxious to begin this journey tomorrow. i am afraid that it will be one of the hardest thing i will ever do in my life, as people who have quit before have told me. but it will be an experience.
so cheers. wish me luck. leave me a comment of support if you wish to. i would certainly appreciate it.
you can do it! reward yourself with something nice from all the money you save!
good luck quitting smoking. I knew someone that quit and gained hella weight – got really FAT!
Pinkberry now at Stanford Shopping Center!
good luck! i know it’s tough coz one of my best friends is also quitting smoking. even if it doesn’t go smoothly at first, just don’t give up! it’s a great chance to learn about yourself.
after smoking for 12 years (and loving everything about it), i quit cold turkey and have been smoke free for almost two years. it was tough, but ultimately it will be worth it. good luck to you.
We’re rooting for you!